I’m not contemplating suicide. I mean it metaphorically. As in, just disappearing from their lives cause they don’t need me. Why would they? I’m just a waste of space to them. But whatever. I want to graduate high school so I can actually start living and not worry about this anymore. I want to grow into the person I’m supposed to be with or without them. It sounds stupid I know but why do I need to be ignored everyday? Why do I have to suffer? I’m just tired of being on the end of the stick. Thank you though for this message. I appreciate it.
Cock the gun. Day after day, I have to be a role model. Day after day, I have to stay strong for those fans that constantly doubt me. Day after day, I have to fight these battles that I sometimes cannot fathom in my head. Day after day, I just get tired of it. Your heartless words mean nothing to me. Your insults and your bickering make me stand taller than the average pop star these days. But what happens when my OWN fans crash and burn in front of me? What happens when THEY insult me and want to HURT ME? Why does it have to become such a chaotic tidal wave when it comes to these things? Why does every aspect of my life have to be speculated under 31 million magnifying glasses each and every day? I’m not tired of the fame. I’m not tired of the smiles and the laughter and the music I put out there. I’m tired of the hurting. I’m tired of the sadness that splits upon you when I do something wrong or when I decide to do something stupid just because I felt like being a regular teenager for once. I want to party, I want to hang out with my friends, I want to experiment normal teenage things and be a normal person like everyone else. I want to fulfill my adolescence and carry on a stupid act without being put down for it by the millions who love me. Your boyfriend does it, your mom used to do it, your cousins do it on occasion. Why am I any different? I’m going in and out of venues every night, catching up with my fans to see if they’re alright, making sure to not run out of breath and waiting for the next day and hoping something good happens next. Don’t let my mistakes affect you. Don’t create problems that are caused by ME and MY decisions. This is my life, my world, my mind is full of shit that you probably see on a daily basis. Please, let me be. If not, just pull the trigger.
